Slim’s

‘The B.B. King’ Review

Burger Blues

Heading a menu list of the finest blues pioneers, “The B.B. King” represented a classic burger accompanied with the freedom to choose any cheese.

In a pleasantly uncomplicated arrangement, Mozzarella cheese was melted generously over a freshly grilled burger and placed far away from any accompanying veg. The top bun was adorned with one tomato slice too many (removed) and thick cut pickle (eaten) for some dynamic flavouring. Inviting smells of beef pervaded even before plate hit table, but did so looking a little too symmetrical to be fully trusted. Once built, the immediate concern was the overwhelming amount of bread relative to a now undersized patty.

The King…?

Perhaps the softest bread to grace a burger on this journey, but the volume would still give even revered blues players the chokes. Requests of a medium-cooked burger were missed substantially, but the thin-to-medium-thin meatdisc really didn’t need all that much cooking and a higher temp from the start over less time would have produced a much needed crisp to the outside.

Somehow the first bite was still considerably satisfying. Juices flowing hot, the burger was seasoned with a light amount of salt, but unfortunately an even lighter amount of pepper.

As the burger diminished, juiciness dissipated and what little beef taste was present weakened considerably. Quality of meat while not poor was astounding nobody, and bearing witness to a cylindrical tower of beef patties defrosting on the side was enough to give anyone the blues.

The Taunt Test soon proved the overzealous serving of bread was too much, with near reluctance at having to face an increasingly dwindling ratio of beef. The end result was marginally better than a factory frozen meat disc and a rank under the Benchmark.

~ Pilgrim Mage

‘The Son House’ Review

Grillin’ In Your Face (*punnage*)

Slim’s is an appropriately named narrow bar on one of the outlying streets of Wan Chai. It is somewhat blues themed in that blues music is played in the background, and the burgers are all named after blues artists. I opted for one named after legendary bluesman Son House, which came with Bacon, Mushrooms, Onions and Pepper Jack Cheese – his absolute favourite toppings (I suspect that is not true).

Like brothers Jake and Elwood, the Pilgrims are on a mission from God (less musical, more meaty), so would Slim’s provide us with that revelatory hallelujah moment?

Wow. Many stuffs. So salad.

With an opportunity to view your patty being grilled, expectations were high. Procedures for cooking said patty involved all the tricks of the trade, with a good dose of seasoning applied before the burger was smacked on the flat top grill, and left alone to do its thing.

Left for too long unfortunately. The ‘medium’ patty arrived a uniform shade of brown, and absent any mouthwatering crust (I suspect the flat-top’s temp. needed cranking up a bit, or that these were some El Grande Concepts concoction made in a warehouse somewhere, and shipped to their various establishments that morning – lot’s of suspecting this week).

Still, despite the brown internals and the pointless enormity of salad that came with it, the overall burger looked good. It tasted good initially too. The bun (soft, buttery, tasty) had more  char on it than the pitifully crustless burger. Nicely seasoned beef crept through most bites, often overshadowed by salty, slightly thick and chewy bacon that I eventually got rid of (and chomped after). The pepper jack cheese would have had Howlin’ Wolf well…howling with delight, but the onions and mushrooms, whilst tasty on their own, were the unnoticed triangle player hiding in the back of this blues ensemble.

Despite appearances, The Son House Burger was the ultimate in mundane, generic burgers. I was tired of eating it long before I finished, which is a positive for size I suppose, but also a clear negative for overall enjoyment.

The Taunt Test issued The Son House with its final death letter (it’s a Son House song. Admire my reference!). I took ample time to pick at chips and quaff some pint, safe in the knowledge I wasn’t missing out on much. Eating ain’t supposed to be exercise, but that is exactly what it felt like masticating my way through the last few bites.

Instead of leaving Slim’s basked in that post-feed euphoria, I was left preachin’ the burger blues. Our mission from God remains unfulfilled.

~Pilgrim Pickles

Outside The Bun – Slim’s

Slim’s on the Burgerank

Stone’s

‘Burger #1′ Review

Totally Stone’sed Bro

Stone’s’ses Burger #1 came stacked with two slices of wickedly crispy bacon, melted American cheese, a fried egg, and (the optional) chipotle mayo with a pickle on the side. This combination made for a mighty burger, but could its numerical namesake match its position on the Burgerank? Let’s find out! (woooo yaaaay)

*donations now being accepted to improve quality of camera phone*

The patty was cooked a perfect medium pink, nicely charred on the outside and felt hefty in the hand, a heartening omen for a hungry pilgrim. The bun was soft, buttery and nicely toasted (grilled if you want to be pedantic – see shoddy picture) with a ratio of meat to bread that would have Euclid in a euphoria*.

With the egg, bacon, and spicy mayo there was a chance of the beefyness being lost in burgero numero uno, but the seasoning and chargrilled exterior was sufficient for cow taste to scrape through, albeit slightly lacking in punch. The runny egg on top added a buttery sheen that complemented the spicy chipotle sauce and salty bacon superbly, and added a nice moisture to what was an at times dry patty (it also demanded some attention to avoid ending up with half a burger sliding into your lap). The American cheese was in there somewhere, and I can’t honestly remember if there were onions on it or not, but these elements seemed insignificant and irrelevant when dealing with the delicious harmony of everything else.

The Taunt Test lent an interesting slant to proceedings as I wasn’t desperately pouncing back on the burger after putting it down. However, this was firstly due to beer and my desire to drink it, and secondly because I wanted this burger experience to last. Rest assured I was ravenously stuffing my face every time I picked it back up.

Stone’s ‘Burger #1’ gets a Benchmark Brand and a good spot on the Burgerank because compared to what we’ve eaten so far, it definitely deserves it. It isn’t the best around, so #1 it is not, but it ain’t half bad, and coming from a Brit that is a complement.

~ Pilgrim Pickles

*Ancient Greek science jokes FTW (Euclid literally wrote the book on ratios).

‘Burger #3′ Review

Where It’s Written

Stone’s third burger came with the promise of a few compliments, two robust onion rings along with some fairly standard chips, a sweet & tangy homemade barbecue sauce and a pickle that was about as crunchy as a three day old banana.

The #3 however was big and it was beefy. With enough character to improve a Michael Bay film the patty hit home with cow infused bites that replaced thoughts of anything else. Salted enough to bring out the very best of the 100% U.S Prime Beef, it’s delicate medium-pink internals held together without a hint of risk to integrity or structure. Beef drippings on the plate meant the burger had enough juiciness for the opening act, but it was a worrying sign for the future. Our numbered hero’s final scene was one of doom, when in true cliche form it simply ran out of juice. Rescue attempts with some barbecue sauce had the final bites dragged out of the dangerzone but left final judgement in the balance.

On offer was a reasonably sized bun glazed to a shiny but still soft finish, the top toasted and free to reveal smoky, crunchy bacon which thankfully functioned as a compliment rather than a crutch for flat seasoning. The melted Pepper Jack cheese dressed the burger beautifully when presented and certainly invited a mouth watery response, yet it hardly tickled a taste bud at the first chomp.

The Taunt Test was deployed a number of times due to the close proximity of a pint of beer, but the time between each cycle was minimal as the burger coaxed it’s way back quickly every time. On the Burgerank, the #3 sits high. Not a perfect example with juiciness missing the mark slightly, it nevertheless was an enjoyable beefy creation; all it was intended to be.

~ Pilgrim Mage

Outside The Bun – Stone’s

Stone’s on the Burgerank

Burgerman

‘Classic Cheeseburger’ Review

A Sham Shui Po Star Shines

Unwrapping grease paper to reveal a somewhat chaos free prize was a surprising start to the Burgerman’s Classic Cheeseburger. The truth would hardly be veiled if the first problem was not addressed outright however; the patty was simply not large enough. An extra 20% more beef and it may have achieved unparalleled perfection in burger to bun ratio. That confirmed, the disappointing size only served to highlight the amount of joy delivered by the seasoning and preparation. Cooked to exact standards, a bold claim to make for any establishment, the Burgermen knew what they were doing and the Cheeseburger was quite simply an uncomplicated pleasure to eat.

Half a leaf of lettuce, one slice of tomato and a single outer ring of raw red onion was arranged on the lower bun, a dollop and a spread of white sauce on the top that tasted a little bit too much of ‘special’ was all prepared in plain view while the freshly grilled burger sat resting. Excellent news. Salivation from the incoming smells was only amplified by the thought of those juices huddling back together inside the meat, escaping a fate of doomed disturbance.

Instead of usual fluffiness a decent chew to both top and bottom buns featured, the bread soft in texture and taste. Holding firm, it lent structure to ensure good burger consumption control. Then that small star began to shine. Grilled to the greatest medium (without request) that Hong Kong has ever produced on this quest, it only improved with astonishing seasoning. A beefy looking middle with pink painted throughout, salt to draw flavours and pepper to make them dance the patty pulled away perfectly with every bite, avoiding all disaster of clumpy dry disorder. The timely rest off the heat made the whole thing a juicy joy earning a grin from any lucky soul to stop by the small shop.

Scant evidence of cheese on stage for a ‘Classic Cheeseburger’ but that did not detract much from the overall satisfaction. Unfortunately the strength of the special sauce lingered in post-consumption, but it would be unfair not to note the hint of that incredible beef seasoning lolling about on the sidelines. Problems all of which could be remedied by requesting more or less of any peripheral ingredient; the Burgermen seemed happy to oblige.

Destined to a takeaway travel there was no time for the Taunt Test; had there been a chance however it wasn’t large enough to warrant resting regardless. Without any doubt this classic takeaway reached Benchmark level standards, and Burgerman’s claim for Hong Kong’s Best Burger may be in serious contention with the infamous  ‘Trucker Burger’ surely ready to satisfy.

~ Pilgrim Mage

Outside The Bun – Burgerman

Burgerman on the Burgerank

Ruby Tuesday

‘Ruby’s Classic Burger’ Review

Ruby Rain

The Ruby Burger was presented in a straightforward no nonsense manner promoting nothing but classic charred character. With a uniformly shaped patty it had clearly been manufactured down to the inch to fit a likewise designed bun.

Selecting a chain restaurant would undoubtedly lead to examples of a copy and paste culture, yet RT made it work for both them and the burger resulting in a perfect (albeit defaulted) meat to bun ratio. Wet salad arranged under the meat however did no favours for the bottom bun and left it’s counterpart a bafflingly flaky contradiction.

Wrestling the first bite with enough food to keep busy was accomplished thanks to a good sized chunk of meat, but it was soon clear that the at first inviting char was mere facade; a superficial afterthought add-on rather than consequence of genuine grilling. In fairness there were unquestionably bites that offered a little more texture and variety in taste, but most of the patty crust fell short of escaping a soft finish.

RT’s Classic could have done with a good degree less of special whatever-sauce smeared between beef and leaf, but the texture of the patty was pleasingly without worry, gristle or strife.The burger was certainly not intended for anyone averse to juice when a light squeeze had the patty flowing like a flooded fjord, but at the vanguard toughing the torrent was a definite taste of cow dressed for the evening in spot on seasoning. Medium levels were bizarrely lost until three quarters through the burger, when finally the perfect pink began to shine through the downpour. This rendered the Taunt Test useless with a race to finish a burger that illogically, improved as it was consumed.

The final bite was satisfaction mixed with regret that it was over. With hat and coat it set out to deliver everything it had been created for, accomplishing all without a grumble. Not a flawless effort and hopefully still aways from the best Hong Kong has to offer, ‘Ruby’s Classic Burger’ has still earned a spot on the burgerank as well as the Benchmark seal of approval. Considering the aforementioned nature of a pre-fashioned, Ford Model T style burger, where exactly all the juice and taste came from is a mystery, and surely one any burger pilgrim would happily continue to try solving.

~ Pilgrim Mage

‘Smokehouse Burger’ Review

They Aren’t Straws!

Being a chain restaurant, I was dubious about the quality of Ruby Tuesday’s burgers. Primarily, I was concerned with whether they would just be an upmarket, overpriced Mickey D’s. Still, the Smokehouse Burger, with a plethora of enticing accouterments sounded rather delicious. So was it?

Well, first things first, let me tell you what the Smokehouse burger includes: Cheese, Bacon, Salad Stuff, Pickles, BBQ Sauce, Other Sauces, some crispy Onion Ring type things that look like fried onion blossom sheddings, and of course the Patty.

The patty was hearty, nicely grilled, and not overwhelmed by the supremely sized and rather tasty bun. The burger felty hefty in my hands, and gave me a great sense of bewilderment about how to put it in my mouth, and accomplishment when I finally managed.

A few munches yielded a fair bit of meat-juice leakage, but I do not mind getting a bit messy for the sake of good cow. The patty tasted nice (with all the placid beige connotations that come with that word) and there was patchy pink evidence that it had been cooked medium (though how it was only in patches I do not know).

The burger, with all the added ‘Smokehouse’ stuff tasted great. The bits and pieces all complemented each other well, and it was easy to pick out the flavours of everything listed on the menu. The ‘crisp onion straws’ (their bizarre choice of words, I’d have called them ‘onion-y bits’) were delicious, and the thick cut pickles were awesome if you are indeed a fan of pickles, which I am. My derisory prejudice about this burger being McDonalds 2.0 was proving to be gratefully unfounded.

I administered the Taunt Test and found myself instantly thinking about my next bite, like some crazed junkie desperate for another beef injection (heh). I tried to distract myself with the chips on my plate, but was soon jumping back into bed with this sultry smokehouse temptress. Sod the chips, and my mixed metaphors! This burger was tasty.

After a while though, the sauces and salad and cheese and pickles and bacon and and and became one overwhelming, homogenous, defining though hard to define taste. Like a movie extra jumping around in the background of a Scarlett Johansson nudie scene, it was trying to distract me from the only reason I was there in the first place.

Still, I would definitely eat this burger again. In fact, I am bequeathing RT’s Smokehouse Burger with my first ever Benchmark Brand!

It ruffles my anti-establishmentarian feathers to know that my first Benchmark seal of approval is going to a burger from a chain restaurant. However, while there are things about this burger that could be improved (e.g. upgrading the patty from ‘nice’ to ‘exceptional’), and while I am hoping that this isn’t the best burger Hong Kong has to offer, it is the best burger on the quest so far (a grave indictment of the quality of individual burger restaurants in Hong Kong that we Pilgrims have tried).

Onwards we quest,

~ Pilgrim Pickles

Outside The Bun – Ruby Tuesday

Ruby Tuesday on the Burgerank